Herself has held out as long as she could. Yesterday she succumbed to wearing a maternity bra. It’s amazing how big her breasts have got and also how quickly it has happened. It’s odd seeing your partner change like that. It’s even more bizarre when she can’t see it. She is in utter denial that her boobs have grown.
“Jaysus, did your boobs just expand overnight?” I looked at her try to button her dress.
“What the hell are you talking about? They’re the same size!” She abandoned her dress in favour of a loose top.
“You do realise that your breasts will grow during pregnancy?”
“Yes I know that but mine are the same, I still fit into my usual bra. I just got a maternity bra as my wired bra could damage my milk ducts. Look I still fit.” She took off her top and the maternity bra and whipped on her pre-pregnancy bra. She stuck out her tongue from the side of her mouth as she concentrated with gusto on tying it.
“I don’t understand what point you’re trying to prove.” She ignored me.
“Got it! See, I still fit into my bra!” Her cleavage looked like her arse had emigrated to her chest but I decided to play along with her weird game.
“You’re right, you’re breasts still look tiny.” Tiny was probably the wrong word choice.
Later that day her friend, who also is pregnant, stopped by for a cup of tea and the first sentence out of her mouth was,
“Jesus fucking Christ, your tits are huge! You look like a homely porn star.” A homely porn star? I still don’t understand that oxymoron.
“Are they really that big?” Of course I just stood there bewildered that she didn’t heed my breast alert from earlier.
“They are mega sized chick… that baby won’t go hungry anyhow!”
I’ve since learned that pregnant women will only listen to pregnant women. Only they can see their pregnant body changing and thus convey this new reality to their comrade… non pregnant people, especially partners, are not allowed to weigh in. If you are brave enough to state the bloody obvious then you run the risk of being called an insensitive feck.
Once the pregnant friend told herself that her boobs had ballooned she relaxed into her new shape. Suddenly wardrobe malfunctions had a cause, her breasts were the effect.
“Jaysus Siobhan, they are actually big,” she stood up to look at her shape in the mirror like it was the first time she ever saw it in 16 weeks.
“Sleazy gits would pay crazy euro to squeeze them… read all about it in me Twitter feed, you could probably buy a house if you were to let them squeeze them,” said Siobhan as she sipped her tea. I looked at Siobhan and thought many things all at once but decided against verbalising them. Herself just nodded at her with a face that said, Jesus Siobhan you know fecking everything, you’re so worldly. Herself then turned to me.
“You know what Birdie, that’s probably why my dress didn’t fit me this morning, don’t you think?”
“If you think so love.”
“Yeah, I think so,” she said as she dipped her kitkat into her mug of tea.